When I was young—in fact, all throughout my childhood—my mom
always told us, “If they love you, they will wait.” I hid this in my heart even during undergrad
when it seemed that all of my schoolmates were wild and crazy behind closed
doors. Not long after graduation and
especially after I turned 25, my friends began to snicker that I would be like
Steve Carell’s character in The 40-Year-Old
Virgin. Can you imagine that? At 25, my friends were predicting my sex life
for the next 15 years.
At some point, I gave in to their jokes and my boyfriend’s
persistence. When we met, he at almost
10 years older than me, told me that he was looking for his wife. Little did I know, this is a common line in
his home country. Immediately after we
did the deed, I knew he wasn’t “The One.” But I tried to tell myself, “You can
learn to love him.” What ensued was a
long and tumultuous relationship that eventually turned into a dramatic
“Whatever We’re Calling This.” Little
did I know, he was he was in a “traditional” marriage when we met—not legal,
but still respected in his home country.
Little did I know, I broke up this marriage. Little did I know, I was the first person he
ever actually loved. Little did I know, that still wouldn’t keep
him from cheating. Little did I know, he
would go to the ends of the earth, implementing every strategy in his arsenal
to keep me at his side.
So, I moved. It
was in Houston that I became a stronger person, more confident in saying
“No.” This new-found strength not only
helped me excel at my career, but it also brought me back to myself in my
relationships. No longer was I relaxing
my standards for the sake of the affection.
The Nashville guy (as I’ll call him) was extremely chivalrous and
extremely accommodating. I never wanted
for anything and I never had to beg. He
took better care of me than my father did.
We talked about our hopes and dreams. Our conversations often turned to
new ways to foster the creation of wealth and jobs. He is a small business owner. Though he was just keeping his head above
water when we met, our conversations constantly centered on growth especially
while I was in the process of obtaining my MBA. I loved that about our relationship.
At some point during our “Whatever We’re Calling This,”
he amassed and was able to sustain the type of salary where one could say,
“Financially, I lack nothing.” He was
never one to keep up with the Joneses.
To this day, he continues to shop at the Goodwill and would commend me during
our relationship for finding good deals on everything. I’ve never paid full price for anything. I remember him once calling me from a
Goodwill location asking me about a price on a table he saw, wanting to know if
it was a good deal. I still laugh at his
attentiveness, listening to my every word and immediately texting me pictures
so that I could help him determine if this thing he didn’t need should be
bought.
But in the back of my mind I knew our relationship
wouldn’t work. It was not sustainable
long-term. I wanted to be married and
the older I was getting, I knew that no matter what he said, marriage wouldn’t
be in the cards for him nor would marriage be the appropriate thing for us to
do together. My time in Houston had made
me stronger. I knew this. I also knew in order to make room for Mr.
Right, I had to completely walk away.
People always say, “The good Lord works in mysterious
ways.” At some point in living with my
parents and working part time jobs to keep bills paid while I worked on my
entrepreneurial dreams, I had a pregnancy scare. Not only was I livid, I called him and
railed. He cracked jokes like he didn’t
have a care in the world. In his
defense, it would have been nothing for him to take care of a child at his
income level. But the truth remained
that I no longer wanted to be tied to him.
I wanted the freedom to be able to walk away at any moment. So, when my period finally came late as all
get out, I texted him. He texted back,
“Amen.” I thought, ‘Amen indeed.’ Amen on the entire saga that has been a good
portion of my adult life. I’m moving on.
