Life's a B*tch, Pull 'em Panties to the Side Now...

I got my period when I was eleven years old.  One of my earliest memories of my period involving a man is when I was in high school.  I used to get really bad cramps and long cycles.  On this particular day, I went to the bathroom and was sitting on the toilet reaching for a sanitary napkin under the sink, only to find the package empty.  No one was at home but me and my dad.  I was in so much

pain and dripping blood in to the toilet.  I cried out to my dad that we were out of pads and I needed him to go to the store and get some more.  His response was, “Ok, put your clothes on and I’ll take you.”  Startled at the incongruousness of this response, I told him I couldn’t go without a pad and that he needed to go get them himself and come back.  Reluctantly, he finally went by himself while I sat waiting in pain on the toilet, and got the wrong brand.  He meant well, I guess…

Fast forward to my Sophomore year in college when I went in for my first Pap Smear.  I saw my mother’s gynecologist, who was a man.  At that time, my period had abruptly stopped and I didn’t know why.  My mother took me to see the doctor, I had my Pap and some tests run.  In the days of waiting for the results, all types of negative thoughts crept into my head.  What if I can’t have children?  What if I have some type of cancer?  What if I’ll die before I turn 25?  In those moments, I prayed and cried a lot, “God please don’t take my babies.”  When the results came back, it was determined that I have irregular cycles.  At just 19 years old, I was nonchalantly told by the doctor that as long as I menstruate 10 months out of the year, I’d be fine.  His response was so cold and I began to cry.  He prescribed birth control and I left his office.

With these and other experiences involving reproductive organs in my life, I never got the warmth and proprieties from men that I usually get from women.  Yes, they may mean well; but men will never completely understand what it’s like to be a woman faced with decisions involving her reproductive organs. These types of decisions absolutely should be left up to women and women alone.  When considering the issue of abortions, many have come to the aid and the ignominy of women wanting to do what’s best for them and their families.  People from all different backgrounds have weighed in on this discussion.  In my journey to my own opinion, I have encountered many Black people who falsely believe that Planned Parenthood is somehow out to exterminate the Black race.  This belief comes from scare tactics of the misinformed who simply want to incite support from people whom they’d otherwise completely disregard.

Having an abortion is something that should be left up to the woman making the decision and her family, not legislators and men who have no idea the excruciatingly emotional heartache of the mother and the financial ties to that decision.  Its abhorrent that these same people who fight so hard against abortions do absolutely nothing for eradicating poverty or even working to help those struggling with the ability to have children.  So, what’s really behind this fight?  This research shows the racial makeup by state of women who have abortions in this country.  This fight has absolutely nothing to do with eliminating the Black race in this country, and without the ability to fully understand what is at stake for the mother and family in each individual situation, it’s definitely not a charge men should spearhead and fight to create legislation against its legalization.

Hold On, You Said What??

Back in 2008-2009, I was diagnosed with Diabetes.  It wasn’t so much that I was overweight—which I was—but it was more so because I was taking a medication at the time that caused my blood glucose levels to rise.  I remember my doctor telling me when she gave me my prescription that I needed to watch what I ate.  But that was all she said, and I loved bread.  Because I was diagnosed, we changed my medication and I was swiftly “prescribed” diet and exercise (she actually wrote a prescription for it.)  At the time, all I could think about was how both my parents had to be pricked every morning for testing and I hate needles.  I took my prescription very seriously and lost a considerable amount of weight.  So much so, that my doctor asked me how I did it.

I was 31 then and had just started grad school.  My friends and family watched me slim down so

quickly that it was hard for me to keep clothes in my size.  I consigned and gave away a lot then.  When I finally reached a plateau that made my dietician say, “Yeah, sometimes the body just stops at a certain weight,” I was content with my size.  I loved hanging out with friends for dinner after class and watching them listen intently as I gave my two-cents on proper eating and exercise habits.  I loved how once when some friends and I had lunch in The Gulch in the middle of the day, as we were waiting outside for the valet, two guys drove by in a very expensive vehicle and the guy in the passenger side just couldn’t stop staring at me.  I acknowledged him with a, “How are you doing?” and they went on their way.  My friends joked that I was really grabbing the attention.  I LOVED that feeling!! 

Fast forward a few years when I was prescribed a different medication for the same condition.  A new doctor at the time said, “Have you ever taken a steroid?”  I said, “No,” and she wrote the prescription and I left her office.  After having been on the medication for a few weeks, I couldn’t figure out why I was so hungry all of the time!  I would literally eat a big meal and be hungry again less than two hours later.  I asked my pharmacist one night about the medication, asking if it was normal.  Her response was, “Yes.  It’s a steroid.  You have to break your meals up over time so that you don’t eat as much.  You can’t eat a full meal in one sitting.”  I was livid!  How dare my doctor not tell me this!  I had even stopped working out thinking somehow that was affecting my hunger.  By this time, I had gained 35lbs while I was already trying to lose 15.

When I moved to Texas, I decided I was going to turn over a new leaf and finally lose that weight.  I joined a gym and when the weight wasn’t coming off fast enough, I added their trainer to my membership.  I lost three pounds and felt like my life was getting back on track.  Shortly after, I had a disagreement with the gym and decided to cancel my membership.  I thought since I was doing so well, I’d apply what I’d learned and work out on my own.  Some time during that time frame, I stopped losing pounds.  I hired another trainer.  In 2016, back at my original overweight size—plus I think an additional 15 breakfast taco and Kolache pounds, I registered for a week-long organizational conference that happens every two years.  I’d been to several of these in the past and knew that with all of the walking and little time to eat a heavy meal, I’d most definitely lose 1-2lbs.  Excited to weigh myself when I got back I noticed that I’d actually gained five pounds.  Talking to my trainer about it, she encouraged me to see my doctor saying this was not normal. 

After several tests, it was discovered that I have Hypothyroidism.  I was initially devastated.  I think I even cried in my doctor's office.  From what I knew about the disease, what stood out to me the most is something a former classmate said her doctor told her when she was diagnosed:  It’s going to be hard for you to lose weight.  I told my doctor my fear of being overweight for the rest of my life and she reassured me, saying that other doctor was wrong and I’d definitely be able to get the weight off.  Side note:  Unbeknownst to me at the time, she’d worked in a weight-loss clinic for part of her career.  I doubted her, but I’d try anyway.

Around the time of my diagnosis, I remember hearing stories in the news about how Oprah, who also

Oprah 2012

has my condition, had lost 40lbs.  She’s in her 60s.  (In case you don’t remember what she looked like, here are before and after photos.)  Determined that if she could lose weight at twice my age, I decided so could I.  I was motivated and became focused on cardio and strength training throughout the week and seeing my trainer first thing on Saturday mornings.  Progress was very slow.  I would lose a few pounds here, then eat a sandwich or a pastry there and gain it all back within a week.  It was frustrating.  In my head, I blamed my trainer for not making the Saturday workouts strenuous enough.  She would give me homework to do during the week and I started to question that as well.  Then there was the fact that I worked long hours and oftentimes came home and just didn’t feel like it.  I cried.  I prayed.  I asked my doctor, who always said my blood work was “normal”, if something else could

Oprah 2017

be the matter.  I consulted friends and asked my doctor to change my medication.

About a month ago, I went in for my blood work results and sat there as my doctor looked over the several sheets of information saying everything “looked good.”  Determined, I asked her to explain the numbers to me, specifically my T3/T4 count.  She showed me the sheet and said, “See?  You’re in the normal range.”  I noticed the number was on the lower end of normal and asked, “So is the goal to have a low number or a high number?”  She explained the higher number was the better number.  I asked her to up my dosage.   I also stepped my workouts up to two-a-days on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, continuing to do cardio on Mondays and Fridays and challenging myself on Saturdays.  I weighed myself religiously and even when I hung out with a friend and she commented that I’d lost weight, I didn’t believe her because I knew my scale hadn’t budged.

Last month's blood work

Last week, I saw my doctor and we discussed how I was feeling.  I told her that I could tell my stomach felt different on my thighs when I stretched so I thought I was gaining muscle.  She looked up at me and said, “Well you’ve lost five pounds…”  I’ve never been so excited in my life!  I felt vindicated!  My friend wasn’t just “being nice” after all!  I had more testing done and have to see her in two weeks for the results.  I pray that everything is still normal.  This has been a long journey for me and I am determined to get back down.  My goal weight is the same size I was just a few short years ago and I now know that is possible.  I have never been so excited to lose a measly five pounds (and holding) in my life!  I just pray that my results from my blood work are normal…

Blogger 2.0

So I was trying to link an old blog site to this one and I can’t seem to find it.  I did delete it previously, but you know what they say about the internet… Nothing really goes away.  Anyway, I’m going to start posting the old blogs again on this site.  I may not have all of the pictures, but at least the links are still there.  Here’s the first one:

I never pay full price for clothes…ever.  Many people think this means buying knock-offs or lesser quality brands.  Not so.  It just means shopping smart.  When you crunch the numbers, you’ll actually find that you spend more on buying and replacing low quality “cheap” pieces that lose their shape or change texture after one or two washes.  So how do we shop smart?  This too requires crunching numbers and planning.  Planning requires knowing your body type.  Know your shape and what style types best fit.  Once this is done, you can streamline your shopping experience to only look for items that will accentuate your features.

Warning:  This next step requires thinking skills. Now that we can focus on what designs work best for our shape, we can apply all of our energy toward organizing our shopping experience around finding great deals.  This isn’t as difficult as it may seem. Retail stores always have sales at the end of the season.  Always.  Unless you are being paid to show up wearing the season’s new releases (newsflash: this would require that you obtain them before they hit stores), it is absolutely unnecessary for you to buy them at full price once they’re available for mass consumption.  While this may take a bit of brain rewiring, it is entirely doable.  If you can’t yet window shop without making a purchase, get in the habit of only shopping at the end of the season.  Subscribe to email lists at your favorite stores who will not only inform you of the current styles, they will also send you coupons and special sale notifications specifically created for their loyal customers.

This outfit (sans the jewelry:  We’ll discuss that in another blog.) came from J. Crew.  The top is pure silk with a polyester lining.  The skirt is a silk/wool blend.  I bought it during a sale that deducted an additional percentage off their already reduced prices.  This is where emails become important.  Because of the type of store J. Crew is, you will never see “additional percentage off” signs in the store.  But they will send you an email.  I paid around $50 for the entire outfit, including the belt cinching the waist.  You could easily spend that much at a store on lower quality items that you will have to replace after they’ve lost their shape in the wash.  Be mindful of money wasting practices.  Banana Republic will also send emails and will even choose single days where they will give an additional significant markdown—sometimes only during a specific time frame on a specific day.  These sales aren’t advertised in the store.  Get on the email list!

Shopping at places like Target and JC Penny shouldn’t be completely ruled out.  Both stores have begun to make changes and often partner with higher end designers to provide great quality items at lower prices.  I picked up this Neiman Marcus designer dress on sale at Target where I used my Target REDcard® debit card that automatically deducts an additional 5% just for using the card.  Currently, these designers are only featured for limited times.  Quantities are also limited, stressing the importance of emails. Target has been known to sell out of items as soon as the store opens on the very first day of the sale.  The velour blazer came from NY&CO where, because I’m on the list, I was able to purchase it with a discount code that was delivered via email.  You do have to be careful with these types of stores.  I’ve often noticed items that are originally quite overpriced for the type of quality just to lead you to believe you are getting a good deal.  Again, know your body type & style and what works for you.  Once I get “burned” at a store where I feel I’ve wasted money, I never buy that type of item there again.  I will never buy cotton tees from a certain store, no matter how low they mark the price, simply because holes appeared in the weave of the fabric after the first time I washed it.

Minority Report

There is a Darryl Coley song that starts:  What’s in a name?  Does it really matter?  What’s in a name?  Who really cares?  While I know that this is a Gospel song therefore talking about Jesus, I’ve wondered how this translates in the secular sense in America.  Though there has been a long history of people changing their first names on resumes from ethnic sounding names to “white” sounding names and getting more hits, what about last names? 

Since living in Houston for a little over a year now, I’ve had many up close and personal experiences with people of Hispanic and Latin decent—from the Spanish speaking service workers at various restaurants to the English speakers with thick accents in government positions and Corporate America.  It wasn’t until I met one of my current co-workers with the last name Gonzalezz (yes, it has two “z”s) that I realized the difficulty of the Latin and Mexican American struggle here in the US. 

My co-worker comes in early every day and leaves later than everyone else but is still unsure of himself.  I remember having a team meeting once where he had a panic attack.  He doesn’t usually talk much in the team meetings and I wondered after his attack if he might have been overwhelmed with not understanding the subject matter.   Sometimes while writing emails and such, he asks me to proofread them to make sure they sound correct.  It takes him forever to write them too.

I wonder if this struggle is akin to the African American struggle just after Emancipation.  While there are no lynch threats and they’ve never been counted at 3/5 a person, Enrique has an eagerness to learn.  I find it frustrating sometimes when I have to explain simple things to him.  After all, he moved here when he was 10.  Sometimes, I wonder why he didn’t do better in school.  Then I am reminded of the current state of the American school system and how students are often passed up for good behavior and are not necessarily taught.

I also wonder what can help.  Before moving to Texas, I believed part of the media stereotype that Mexicans don’t want to participate in American culture.  I thought they were just here to make money to send back to Mexico and have lots of babies.  Since moving to Texas, I realize this isn’t completely true.  They want the American dream as well and, like Blacks, face barriers to entry.  During President Obama’s second administration, I changed my voting classification from Independent as it had been since I registered at 18, to Democrat and I plan to vote Democrat in the upcoming election.  I am anxious to see how both Democratic candidates will vie for the minority vote.  While Hillary Clinton has absolutely done the work to be our next Commander-In-Chief, neither candidate has announced their plans for America’s minorities…

Are you listening?

Bearberry

So Sundays are considered me days.  Sometimes I don’t even leave the house or change my bed clothes.  My church has live broadcasts online and I’ll watch there then spend the rest of the day mostly researching whatever topic seems interesting at the time.  On Sunday, March 02, 2014, I was watching an Essence online video of the Black Women in Hollywood White Carpet.  Near the end of the video, the hostess Yolanda interviews Angela Bassett and asks her to dip into a bowl of questions written by readers.  The question pulled out was simply, “What is the last thing you bought online,” but the answer was very intriguing.  “Bearberry,” Angela says, which she uses as a natural skin lightener. Bearberry leaves contain a natural lightening compound called arbutin that's said to be quite powerful at bleaching dark spots, age spots and melasma. While I don’t have a huge problem with discoloration, I had to try some on the dark circles under my eyes twice a day for about six weeks.  The brand I bought on Amazon was 100% pure and needed to be mixed with a moisturizer before applying to the skin.

 

I didn’t think to take a before photo but I have noticed a difference on my eyes and on my neck.  I have a little discoloration that came from a scarf I bought that was made in another country and I didn’t wash before wearing.  (Lesson learned.)  I will say that before I found out about the bearberry, I had also been using a natural product by EssenceTree Holistic Life called Renewal Balm.  Though it is a regional product, it can be bought at Whole Foods (Whole Body) and was marketed to help clear up the residual scars from eczema.  It works very well too.

 

In addition to the bearberry on my face, I occasionally use Smashbox BB cream which has color correcting and wrinkle improving qualities.  This could have aided in the skin lightening as well. On a side note, I use Oil of Olay Regenerist Anti-Aging Eye Roller which combats wrinkles and puffiness.  At times I was combining it with the bearberry and it makes me believe less attention is drawn to my eyes. Bio-oil is another product I have that I learned about at the Southern Women’s Show that you may want to try.  I was told though it helps with stretch marks, it doesn’t do much for discoloration which I don’t understand because aren’t stretch marks usually darker? 

 

It was wonderful learning about new natural products and how they can be used to treat the skin.  I thank Angela Bassett and Essence for the question and the answer.  Click here for more tips on how to naturally lighten the skin.

My New Favorite Denim

80s Party

I’ve had some of my best good times in a denim jacket that I got from JC Penny’s Bisou Bisou line when I was in college.  That jacket has been through thick and thin with me.  It has weathered many storms as well.  I remember I was wearing the jacket when my friends and I went to my first 80s party back when 70s parties were just beginning to go out of style.  I remember having that jacket on during one of my first trips to New York and being atop the Empire State Building.  It kept me warm on that windy day!

Harlem Stoop

When the jacket started to become more than worn and started to take on holes, I still kept wearing it because I found it so hard to let go.  I laugh because I was wearing it once when I went out to dinner with some girlfriends from grad school and someone at the table noticed that there was more than one hole in it.  One of the holes, I didn’t know was there.  I saw her expression as if she were wondering if I was broke.  Though grad school (and undergrad) can do that to you, I could actually afford to get a new jacket but I just wasn’t ready to replace my favorite denim jacket.  Good denim is so hard to find!

Phoenix Conference

Imagine my astonishment when I discovered Ralph Lauren’s new Denim and Supply line that was just released a few months back.  This line is Ralph Lauren’s take on the rugged outdoorsy and a lot of the pieces that are marketed as men’s can actually be unisex.  There are some great sweaters that can be paired with t-shirts I’ve adored that were both men’s. I actually worked as a seasonal employee at the Ralph Lauren Outlet store during the Christmas holiday and we would tell people who came into the store and asked, “Is this the men’s department or women’s?” that it was both.  Even though both men’s and women’s clothes are sold in that department, almost every time a woman would walk over to the men’s attire and pick something up in admiration. 

Denim & Supply

So when I went shopping for a new denim jacket, I did the very same thing.  I shopped Ralph Lauren’s Denim and Supply line.  My new denim jacket that I love just as much as the old one, came right out of the men’s department.  It came with the “lived-in” feel that I loved so much about my old jacket.  Parts of the jacket fabric are shredded just enough to make you think it’s been around but not so much that it needs stitching to keep the “damage” from growing.  The weave is tight yet relaxed and it even has the vintage look—yellowing of the fabric around the areas that touch the skin.  I love this jacket and originally bought it for one outfit—something I never do—but I’ve found myself pairing it with other outfits such as the one in the photo to the left.  In this photo, I paired my new favorite jacket with some orange corduroys that I also picked up from the Ralph Lauren Outlet store.  The sweater is from H&M and the jewelry (if you can see it) is a Betsey Johnson necklace and rings and Banana Republic bangles.  My handbag is from Cole Haan.  It’s a new favorite as well.  I didn’t realize how versatile it was when I bought it.  Those boots are Etienne Aigner that I’ve had in my closet for about five years.  I just got the heels fixed.

I would recommend Denim and Supply to anyone who values quality a little more than labels.  These clothes don’t carry the Polo Pony for which Ralph Lauren is so famous.  They are, however, very sturdy.  I bought a couple t-shirts that I live in on the weekends.  I originally bought them as a birthday gift for a guy friend but didn’t want to give them up after I tried them on.  They are so comfortable.  Some of the women’s attire is not my style but they do have both casual items and items that are a little dressier.  During the Christmas holiday season, they had a black velour blazer with satin lapels that I admired more than once.  I had to keep telling myself, “You already have a jacket like this” to keep from buying it.  Denim and Supply replaces Ralph Lauren’s Rugby line and though I hated to see it go, I welcome Denim and Supply with open arms.

An Evening With Danny Glover: Part 3

The last topic that I picked up during the Danny Glover session was the African debt crisis.  Honestly, I don’t remember what he was saying when he mentioned it.   I was taking so many other notes; I just scribbled this on the cover of my program and decided to look into it later.  Well now is later.

The debt of Third World countries has been a problem since the 1970s when the World Bank classified 60 countries as having $25 billion in debt.  Just over $11 billion of that came from countries in Africa.  In the 1990s, the US claimed that the Third World debt crisis was over because of the change in macro-economic criteria and the debt indicators of Latin America.  But what about Africa?  Many feel Africa’s debt is insignificant because their economies are smaller and most of their loans are not from western banks.  Instead African countries are heavily indebted to the World Bank and IMF. 

What does Africa’s debt mean?  With high debt levels come high poverty levels and, of course, poverty means poor healthcare and nutrition for children which lead to early death.  Noam Chomsky said, “Debt is a social and ideological construct, not a simple economic fact. Furthermore, as understood long ago, liberalization of capital flow serves as a powerful weapon against social justice and democracy. Recent policy decisions are choices by the powerful, based on perceived self-interest, not mysterious “economic laws.”  So why hasn’t more been done to teach these nations to fish instead of just handing it to them?

Some believe focusing on agriculture is the ticket to relieving the debt.  Increased agriculture productivity would develop the economy and all but eliminate the need for food imports.  This would free up funds for other essential investments.  Others push for an international bankruptcy court which will bring stability to the global economy and empower poor countries struggling to pay their debts.

What does this have to do with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr?  I tried googling him with “African debt” in the search engine which turned up nothing.  Quite frankly, this topic came up near the end of the session with Danny Glover and, after two hours, I had begun to tune the conversation out.  But it did grab my attention enough to research the topic and I’ve learned a lot.  I hope this post will educate someone and/or implore them to do their own research then seek out ways to Do Justice.